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Other FAQ Groupings
Questions About Building Successful Family : Nanny Relationships
How do we get the relationship with our new nanny off to a good start? Clear communication, now and going forward, is vital to success. The article Nanny Hired! is a good place to start. The following items should be in place at the beginning of the relationship:
What is a nanny log and why does 4nannies.com recommend it? The nanny log is nothing more that a summary of a day's events. It requires no special equipment, a composition book works fine. The purpose of the log is to record information of importance to the child's welfare, as well as provide you, the parents, with some narrative information about the day and its activities. Each log entry should be dated. At a minimum it should contain the following:
For infants, the log will be more structured, and will include:
A nanny log entry may look like the following:
"Monday June 5 Teletubbies from 10-11 and then we went to the park. Susie met up with Mark and they played nicely on the tot lot for about an hour. Mark's mom would like to talk to you about setting up some play dates. Half a grilled cheese sandwich and mug of Chicken Stars soup for lunch. Susie napped from 1 - 2:30. She woke up real slow, we worked on puzzles for a while and looked through that catalog you got in the mail for ideas for a flower garden. Peanut butter crackers and apple juice for snack. She helped me make her bed and scrub the carrots and potatoes for dinner, then flopped on the couch for Sesame Street at 5. She dozed off in the middle. Grandma Anna called, said she would get you tonight. We had a great day." Why require that your nanny keep this log you may be asking? Primarily the log is a communication tool, an important documentation of the child's health, development and activities, to help you stay connected with your child's daily routines. It is the responsibility of the nanny to keep you informed of the child's activities, development, and health concerns. If the child becomes ill during the night, parents may refer to the day's log for clues (teething, ear infection, food allergy). Many parents begin the day's log with a comment of their own before they leave for work. The nanny too would want to know that the child slept poorly (so that's why he is grumpy today) or ate a huge breakfast (not interested in that morning snack). In addition to the above uses, many families also use the log as a payroll record for the live out (come and go) nanny ... what day's she worked, when started and when relieved. Nannies can put the log to double duty as an expense tracker ... when you picked up the loaf of bread or carton of milk, or paid for the preschool field trip you can note on the log for reimbursement by the employer. The Family Member Only Tool Kit contains a downloadable PDF version of a typical nanny log, suitable for reproduction.
What do I need to remember when orienting the new nanny? This is a critical component to success in the longer term nanny : family relationship. Proper orientation can help the new nanny acclimate faster to her new position, help you articulate your expectations, and sets the stage for long term comfortable communication between you and your family's nanny. Read "Orienting the New Nanny" for a comprehensive treatment of this subject.
I am a new mom. How do I make myself comfortable leaving our baby with the nanny? First of all, your ambivalence about leaving your baby in another's care while you go back to work is common. Tears and shaky nerves are not unusual. The new dad can help mom by providing reassurance at this unsettling time. HOWEVER, be very careful that these feelings don't translate into distrust of the new nanny. You have carefully recruited the nanny, interviewed in depth, checked all references, and spent the necessary time with the nanny on orientation, and the nanny has been nothing but professional. These feelings are yours to deal with, you must exercise care that they don't sabotage the relationship right from the start. Many Mom's report that their comfort level increased when they spent more than a few hours with the new nanny before returning to work. If time and your family budget permit, bring the new nanny on a few days or a week before you have to return to the office. Let her become accustomed to the rhythms of your baby and your household. Use this time to take care of you too. Get that haircut and manicure, run some errands, deal with household items neglected during your first postpartum weeks. This lets you gradually get comfortable with leaving the baby with the nanny, and has the added benefit of helping you feel more in control as you venture back to work. Most experienced professional nannies have worked with a new mom before, and will be sensitive to your feelings as well as understanding that this is a temporary phase. While an individual new to nanny employment or on the younger side is not de facto a bad thing (after all you have never had an infant before either!), if you are having these feelings you may be happier if you focus on hiring a nanny with previous infant experience that you can feel more comfortable with.
We are hiring a live-in nanny. How do we handle privacy issues? The first thing to remember is that the issue of privacy is important to BOTH family and nanny. BOTH parties need to be respectful of the other's privacy rights. That said, the family usually breaks their privacy concerns down into physical privacy issues (you partner cannot eat breakfast in his boxers) and confidentiality issues. The 4nannies.com recommended employment agreement does have a confidentiality clause. However, practicality demands that you keep whatever material you consider confidential in a secure location that is off limits to the nanny. Bank statements, credit records, and any other materials that you don't want the nanny looking at should not be left where the nanny will inevitably have to look at it! The physical privacy issues are more pronounced when you have the live in nanny. This is an adjustment, to both parties. Many parents keep their bedrooms and bathrooms off limits to the nanny, with her blessings! Many couples, regardless of the quality of their relationship, can be quite verbal in their conflicts with their partners. Nannies report that being forced to overhear these types of exchanges makes them very uncomfortable. You would be wise to either refrain from these 'discussions' when the nanny is present (the best choice), or discuss this with your nanny so that she understands that a good shouting match between you and your partner is not the end of the world and shouldn't concern her. Please resist the temptation to ask nanny for her opinion or for feedback when disagreements occur within the marriage or relationship. Nannies do not appreciate being asked to take sides - a nanny works for the entire family, not just one partner. Families should also resist personal discussions with the nanny about her relationships. The live in nanny has privacy expectations of her own. She expects that her room is off limits to you and the children - this is her space and much needed. The live in nanny worries what you will think of her boyfriend, her social plans, her financial situation, sleep habits, and generally many of the things that parents are concerned by. Mutual respect is the most important component to making the live in nanny arrangement work. Nanny's visitors are another area of potential conflict that should be addressed up front. Do you need to meet them first? Do you have hours that are off limits to nanny visitors. Do you have special considerations for visitors of the opposite sex (no sleepovers for example)? Think it through, and address this before the situations arise. It is important to keep in mind that while the nanny is living in your home, this is also her home for the duration of the agreement too.
Our new nanny will be driving one of our cars. What are general rules for this? Live in situations particularly often find the nanny/employee driving the family/employer's personal vehicle. General guidelines include making sure you have notified your insurance company that this individual will be a driver in your household. This may cause a change in your insurance premiums due to her age or driving record. Generally, the family pays for gas/tolls when the nanny is transporting their children or running their errands, and the nanny pays for all direct expenses for her personal use. The nanny is responsible to advise you when she believes the car requires maintenance; however many nannies have little experience with auto maintenance and you would be wise to keep an eye on things, particularly tires, wipers, lights, inspection dates, oil changes and the like. Common courtesy requires that the nanny not leave your vehicle littered with her debris (soda cans, fast food paper, used tissues) and that you display the same courtesy to her. What if your nanny is involved in an automobile accident? This can be a touchy issue, as the family may maintain a 'deductible' that is financially comfortable for them but out of reach for the nanny on her income. This should be considered and an agreement documented in the work agreement before the nanny starts work.
How do we handle pay day and the mechanics of being an employer? Your work agreement should specify the amount and frequency of the nanny payroll, as well as the family and nanny's agreement as to tax deductions. Whatever your agreement, the nanny should always be paid on time and in full - no exceptions! The competition for qualified, competent nannies is fierce in the US. Many families find that they can attract and keep top candidates by offering employment benefits such as medical insurance, tuition plans, and retirement contributions. American nannies expect they will receive two weeks paid vacation annually, and the room and board values will not be deducted from their pay. The nanny is entitled to formal performance reviews and periodic pay increases for good performance. 4nannies.com Family Members ToolKit includes forms to help you in the nanny's performance review. We strongly recommend that the nanny's performance be reviewed within the first month of employment, and every six months thereafter. Annual compensation reviews are the norm. Remember, the nanny works with young children the majority of her day and she needs to get your feedback on a job well done. In addition to "atta girls" you might consider occasional 'bonuses' such as movie tickets, flowers on her birthday, or other inexpensive ways of showing your appreciation.
How much housework should the nanny be expected to do? You have hired the nanny to care for your children, not your living room carpet! The nanny MUST know that the care, safety and wellbeing of your children is her primary responsibility - and you are responsible to clearly communicate that to her. A nanny is generally expected to maintain the home in the manner in which she found it when she arrived on duty, to regularly launder the children's clothing and bedding, prepare children's meals and clean up afterward, and any other housekeeping duty that DIRECTLY relates to the care of your children. Additional housekeeping duties are not advised, and if included should involve additional compensation. The family with children in school all day may, and often does, have additional housekeeping responsibilities included in the nanny's employment contract. Just be careful of vacation times when the children are there all day - you may not get the house cleaned at the same time! And remember, never add duties without prior discussion with your employee, and know that additional duties (household related OR additional children) should have additional compensation.
Presented a bit tongue in cheek, this information was taken directly from a nanny chat room. Something to ponder...
Studies consistently show that while a competitive salary is vital to attract good employees, creating a positive work environment is the most important factor in retaining a good employee. Nannies look for an environment that includes trust, team-work, and recognition of the important role they play with your children and in your household. Interestingly, nannies most often cite their poor relationship with the parents as their number one reason for leaving a job, well ahead of hours/duties, no longer needed and compensation. Finding a good nanny is hard work - yet keeping that good nanny can be so easy!
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FAQ Families Recruiting a Nanny
